tester

Purgatory was abolished by the Vatican after they said they'd drastically overestimated the number of people who ought to be spending time there.  I thought for the umpteenth time what a farce the Catholic leadership plays.  I've been thinking recently that I might end up converting in a few decades' time mind you.

I am James Herriot but divorced from Helen and with a new wife trying to become pregnant.  In a field with a glacier and a lake.  I am a medieval king writing with black ink and possessive (about (I think) his children, but possibly his pens).  I'm on a boat, hugging an extremely tall beloved, I come up to her waist, telling her I love her.  I think she owns the boat, but it's run by a guy who used to love me.

Three sick puppies - eventually they get well, yay!  I meet an evil-Jack-Nicholson, he's teamed up with an antichrist, there's all sorts of maggot-horror-rape death.  On the underground.

Nukes and wasted opportunities

On a Planet Earth to which Planet Kazakhstan is sending nukes and we're all doomed.  I am in an auditorium, my brother is now friends with someone I loved from a distance but never had the guts to get to know.

Teenage shags and a big glass dildo

I dreamt about A, we were teenagers, at my huuuge house trying to find a place to go to bed; then it turns into her huge house, quite like my old school, she wouldn't let me see her room, we went through many other rooms they all had random people in them, in the end I lost patience and also somehow my trousers, and her parents came home and I had to divert suspicion.  Her friend lent me her least-favourite trousers and I started off to get back to my house before my absence was remarked upon, but I got waylaid by a couple of wifebeater-wearing lesbians who were touching me up & saying how fine I was and I was seduced and one of them tried to do me with a big glass strap-on but it wouldn't happen without lube.  So I left and eyed up some blokes & thought how to go about seducing them.  Etc etc etc....  Then I'm sure threats of violence/murder/getting lost came into it but they generally do don't they.

Roman Polanski and other horrors

I was in a play in which Roman Polanski, playing Evil itself, was cutting my head off - more sawing it off, really, with an axe.  Ow.  But then a braver girl got him to shoot himself.   Then I'm in Athens trapped in a gristly giant carcass of an emperor but I climb out but Christopher Eccleston is still in there suffering like a crazy saint.  I was sleeping lying on a remote control, you see.  Knobbly.